Divorce is hell. But, it's nothing to the hurt of losing the kids too. Custody battles are always painful, expensive, and sometimes ugly. Nobody wants to go through a fight to see their own kids anymore than a rock...
Divorce is hell. But, it's nothing to the hurt of losing the kids too. Custody battles are always painful, expensive, and sometimes ugly. Nobody wants to go through a fight to see their own kids anymore than a rock star might want to take a daily shower. But like the teen idol, if it's got to happen, do it right. The aim is to win custody, not have it all “your way.” There is no “Burger King” in a courthouse.
When the divorce is in the works, and the ability to be a part of their lives is on the line, keep these following helpful tips in mind. Aw heck, bookmark this page, friend.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip one:
Find an adequate / safe living environment.
Now, who'd even be willing to consider having their children over in an unsafe environment? I once had a neighbor, who was a “Megan's List” award recipient, if you know what I mean and I'm the one who stopped the kids from coming over. Denying myself visits was a harder choice, but my babies are worth it. I'd much rather miss them than lose them.
As an added note to all my fellow Argonauts: While you're out on your quests, hang it up. No visits for thee.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip two:
Stay in the same school district
As a parent, we know it to be unfair to the kids to need to change schools unneccesarily. A child's early friendships and social stability, as well as future political skills, far out weigh the parent's “happiness.” In fact, those points are a parent's happiness.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip three:
Find a job / work schedule that fits the children’s routine.
Firstly, have a job. Then, dance with the Devil all you must, kiss all the a$$ it takes, but negotiate your time off with that conducive to the kid's (s') needs. Just make it easier on them. Bribery is honorable, in this case.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip four:
Avoid cohabitation too soon in a new relationship
Don't confuse your children, yet. You'll have plenty of time to do that as an old fart. It's their hearts that matter during the divorce of Mommy and Daddy, not yours. Cope, grow up, learn yoga...whatever you must. Keep in mind the ideal partner, who'd be most concerned for your little ones. Why let anyone manipulate you right now, anyway?
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip five:
Find and keep stability in all aspects of your life.
Always be easy to be found, phoned, or followed on Facebook, everywhere you are. Keep your job. Keep your friends and friendships. Live at the same address for a decade or two. Write in to the local paper occasionally, and brag about it. Be known. Be stable and dependable. It's just good example, anyhoo.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip six:
Hire a lawyer who knows custody and who you can afford.
If the thought of representing yourself in a legal matter sounds tempting, remember that the judge, is also probably a lawyer too. They sorta see kinder on those who can/will work with the system. I'm not saying the system is perfect, or even right all of the time. I'm saying that judges listen to fellow attorneys better. Live with that simple reality. Use this knowledge to the maximum advantage.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip seven:
Put the children’s needs above the custody fight.
If the best interests of your children and the desired outcome of your personal custody fight aren't conducive one to another, then either change your desired outcome or, stop reading this article altogether. I can help you no more.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip eight:
Don’t involve the children in the custody fight.
Some helpful information on parental alienation can be found here. The point of never trashing your ex to the kids is that children want to love both parents. They feel on the spot during the “quality time.” The divorce isn't their fault. They didn't get to ask to be born.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip nine:
Facilitate the opposing party’s custody as much as possible.
Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. 'Nough said Fred.
Ten steps to help you win custody rights tip ten:
Know your own limits and needs.
Don't make my mistakes. Live through your divorce in the best way possible, so as to not let your divorce, and ensuing custody battle drive you mad. With enough pounds of lifting within the discipline needed, you'll save yourself the tonnage of regrets. Now, go back and read these tips, just one more time. Questions are welcome within the comments below.
Personal experience, and
This might help too:
How to get your ex to stop bad-mouthing you to the kids